ON GETTING MARRIED
When is the best time to decide to tie the knot?
The early part of a relationship, the Romance Stage, can be likened to the robust, crackling flames you see as you start a bonfire or try to kindle your charcoal before a barbecue. You use kindling or paper that quickly catches fire and produces this vigorous flame. In the same way, in the Romance stage, the blaze of love is intense, all-consuming, and ignited more by your initial physical attractions to each other. Add to this the newness of things shared for the first time, like the first recognition of a mutual infatuation, the first date, the first kiss, etc. We also call this the “illusion” stage because, unfortunately, this is the stage where love is blind, emotions are high, and couples tend to make many mistakes.
Like the robust flames of dry leaves or crumpled newspaper, the fire dies as soon as the fuel runs out or blows out at a sudden gust of wind. In a romantic relationship, that is when boredom sets in, doubts take over, and quarrels and misunderstandings become the ordinary course of things.
The best time for marriage is when this blazing, fiery love in your romance has evolved into the constant, glowing embers of true and tested love. As in our example, that is the time when the roaring fire consumes the kindling, the charcoal or the dry solid wood catches, starts to burn, and comes alive with glowing red hot embers that grow stronger even against a blustering wind.
Meaning, after so many really-getting-to-know-you heart-to-heart dialogues, deep and meaningful quality times, and endless plotting-the-future conversations, the romance has mellowed down to a more mature kind of love. This is the “true love” stage. This is when the relationship is no longer based on the romantic infatuation that initially brought you together but is now more grounded on your decision to love. Yes, love is a decision. You decide to love them, especially at times when they are most challenging to love, at the times when you two seem most incompatible. You choose to love him “despite” and not only “because of.”
Learn more of this in our book, “Before Tying the Knot – A Catholic Pre-Cana Book.”
INNER PEACE THROUGH TOTAL SURRENDER TO THE WILL OF GOD
It is supposed to be the path to Holiness. But how can we be totally surrendered to the will of God when, from the start, our “operating system” has always been the ego? It has always been what we want, what we need, what will make us happy, and most of the time, with total disregard for whether it is right or wrong. We often hear this famous quote, “Let go and let God.” But what do we let go of? How do we let God? Doing this is challenging because we have been in charge all of our lives and are so used to doing things our way. Can we sit and let things unfold in front of us without us having any say in it? Especially when it is our welfare that is at stake? Or when we foresee imminent disaster coming into our personal lives?
In St. Paul’s letter to the Romans, chapter 8, verses 5-6, he said,
“Those who live as their human nature tell them to have their minds controlled by what human nature wants.
Those who live as the Spirit tells them to have their minds controlled by what the Spirit wants.
To be controlled by human nature results in death; to be controlled by the Spirit results in life and peace.”
Through this, we should all begin to realize that there are two “operating systems” running us, our human nature (our ego) and the Spirit (the Holy Spirit of God). They are both in us! That is the scourge of man.
Even our Lord Jesus was no exception, Him being 100% human and 100% God. His being human was very evident in his agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, where he asked the Father to take away the cup of suffering from Him; very human indeed. But then, in the same prayer, he said, “But not my will but Your will.” Isn’t that the Holy Spirit shining through?
Yes, we can do that too! That is if we learn to forego our ego and start living in the Spirit.
You can learn more about this in our upcoming book, “Living in the Spirit.”
Wait for the announcement here.
BUILDING A CHRISTIAN FAMILY
If you visit your local bookstore, you’ll find a shelf full of parenting books: coping with teenagers, growing children, modern parenting, and even a book dedicated to that particular age, the terrible twos. This profusion of parenting books means that parents need valuable guides in raising their children. Of course, all parents want to raise good children. But how do we raise good Christian children?
We have spent several years as members of a Catholic renewal group and almost the same years serving our Parish in their Family Life Ministry. We have observed that parents who actively practice their religion and have attained considerable growth in their Spirituality have well-adjusted children. Most of them are achievers in school or their chosen field. But first, we would like to point out here that a person who is very active in the practice of his religion may not necessarily be Spiritually mature. While there are people we seldom see in church, they exhibit more compassion and understanding towards their fellowmen. So, it is that Spiritual maturity that makes us Christ-like that we are referring to here, which makes us good Christian parents.
We raise our Spirituality not by being present in all the activities in our Parish but by constantly basking in the Holy Spirit through the practice of our religion, such as prayers, acts of charity, forgiveness, sacrifices, and selfless service. The Holy Spirit in us transforms us from selfish, self-centered parents into good Christian parents, more loving, selfless, and full of compassion. We no longer conform to the standards set by the world but follow the examples of Jesus. We cannot give our children what we do not have. We must be Holy Spirit-filled to pass it on to our children.
Children who grew up in an atmosphere filled with unconditional love that only Spiritually matured parents can provide are transformed by the Spirit and grow into good, responsible Christians. They tend not to be easily influenced by the material world but instead give more importance to good Christian values.
So if we want to raise good Christian children, let us first be good Christian parents. Let us authentically practice our religion. In such a way, we receive the Holy Spirit in our hearts enough to transform us. Allow ourselves to benefit from the gifts of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
